New Orleans Resident Shocked City Didn’t Transform Into Multicultural Paradise After Removal of Confederate Monuments

Just hours after the removal of a statue depicting Confederate general P.G.T. Beauregard, the city has not been instantly transformed into a multicultural paradise. There were five shooting and two murders the night following the removal and the city still has potholes.

“I’m shocked,” said Sam Jones, a resident of the Lower Garden District. “I was told the removal of those statues was going to usher in a new era of inclusiveness and tolerance.”

Evidently, some New Orleans residents missed that memo.

Mayor Mitch Landrieu refused to comment on the horrific state of the city, which has failed in pretty much every way during his tenure, but he did reiterate his dedication to removing statues. “Statues are really bad for society–especially Confederate statues,” he said. “Just you wait. When every reference to the Confederacy is gone, this city will be world class.”

Surprising many in the administration, three of the four designated Confederate monuments to be removed are out of public view, yet there is still rape, robberies, drug abuse, unemployment, and potholes.

When it was suggested that removing the statues actually had no beneficial effect on the everyday lives of New Orleanians, Mayor Landrieu became incoherent and abruptly ended the press conference.

P.G.T. Beauregard was an inventor, engineer, and businessman as well as a military general. After the Civil War, he fought on behalf of freemen, becoming one of Louisiana’s first civil rights activist.