Upon learning that Earth isn’t the only planet undergoing climate change, actor and global warming activist Leonardo DiCaprio booked the earliest flight to Mars to combat climate change across the universe.
“Climate change is real,” DiCaprio said in a statement, “and clearly this cancer is spreading. Everybody deserves a temperate San Diego-ish climate all the time—including Martians.”
The red planet, which moved closer to the Earth on Monday than at any other time since 2005, has retreated from a glacial period that would have covered large areas in white before the thaw about 370,000 years ago, according to a study published Friday in the journal Science.
DiCaprio is certain that man-made pollution is the cause of the melting Martian ice caps and has dedicated his next private jet tour to combating the scourge.
Al Gore, who won a Nobel Peace prize for his efforts in the fight against global warming, had a dire warning for people on both planets. “If the polluters on this planet, especially those in the United States and Europe don’t stop their catastrophic behavior, we can expect ocean levels on Mars to rise up to 200 feet and for all the polar bears to be wiped off the face of the planet by 2027.”
Elon Musk was forced to admit that the global warming on Mars was why he was so intent on shuttling people there. “We need solar cars on Mars like yesterday or else the environment will be destroyed.”
DiCaprio’s first stop on his Martian Climate Change Tour is a visit with good friend Matt Damon, who has been stuck on the planet for 176 days without food or water.